Battlefield of Love
by DeeDeePicklez
Summary: Finn and Rachel clash over there future plans and discuss what it takes to make both of them happy, each other.


A Battlefield of Love

"_What course of events had led to the perfect love between two imperfect people, far too young to experience it? And how would the night and day ahead impact upon them?"[1]_

"What is wrong with you?" She asked incredulously for what seemed like the 100th time

"Stop saying that!"

"I just don't understand how you can think that this is ok, Finn!" she said gesturing wildly

"Rachel, just because you don't think it's ok doesn't mean it's not. This is my life not yours!" he emphasized with the slamming of his locker, the sound brought her back to reality and reminded her that they were in fact, in the hallway having a very passionate argument

"Fine." She said with a harsh whisper "You're right, Finn. It's _your _life. My opinion doesn't seem to matter so _you _go live it how _you _see fit. Just count me out of it."

With that she stormed off, leaving a very confused Finn in the dust.

Rachel was taking her frustration out on the kitchen, cleaning every inch she could reach when the doorbell rang. She went to wipe her tears, and realized that surprisingly, she wasn't crying. She wasn't sad, she was furious, and she was going to tell him so.

"Finn!" she said fuming as she opened the door and she quickly stopped herself since it wasn't a tall boy at her door, it was his mother

"Carole!" she exclaimed feigning happiness "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? It's the 17th, the weekend your fathers are in Seattle, you're still staying with us right?" Carole asked sweetly

Damn. She had totally forgot she was supposed to stay at the Hudson-Hummel house for the weekend

"Well- umm. Yea, it is the weekend they're gone it's just- I think I may just stay here. I have a lot of homework and the kitchens a mess and-"

"No, no" Carole interrupted shaking her head "You're not staying here alone all weekend, that's the reason I wanted you to stay with us in the first place! A tiny girl like you? Alone at night and all day long, No."

"Um, well. I'm not really ready, I mean nothings packed and-"

"Well then let's get a move on!" she cheered as she put her arm around Rachel and walked into the house "We can't let anything happen to the girl my son loves, now can we?" she giggled

Rachel gave her a tight smile "I guess not." She said with a nervous laugh 

She was always very comfortable at their house. She and Kurt were in great place, excitedly planning their futures every chance they got. And she had the best boyfriend in the – no. She had a boyfriend- Was he still her boyfriend? Whatever, she had a kind of boyfriend that was irritatingly moving his mashed potatoes around his plate and not looking at her. What did he have to be upset about, this was all his fault!

"So, Rachel!" Burt bellowed, shaking her out of her thoughts "What is going on with you and Kurt and the big city? It's all Kurt can talk about these days-"

"Even though neither of them have gotten accepted into NYADA yet." Finn said quietly without looking up

"Finn!" Carole reprimanded

"Yes, well. Not all of us can be so secure in our future plans." She said her words dripping with sarcasm and her smile and eyes so fakely sweet it hurt his teeth

"I guess not." He responded matching her tone

"Well, anyways." Kurt said, recognizing the tension "Even though Rachel and I haven't heard from NYADA _yet_" he said emphasizing the last word towards Finn. "We are still planning feverishly because, well, were both exceptionally organized and because we're going to New York no matter what happens, that's what Plan B's are for." He said with a smile as he nudged Rachel

She smiled genuinely in return for the first time that night until Finn let out a snort

"Is something funny?" she asked curtly

"Of course not." He began as he looked directly at her "I just think it's so great that you and Kurt have this all decided and wouldn't change your plans for anyone or anything. It's so important to plan your future with only your dreams in mind. No one else and nothing else making any decisions for you."

She just stared at him sadly after that, she opened her mouth to say, well she didn't really know what to say, but Burt quickly broke through the awkward silence

"Well! Good news kids, I finally picked up that air mattress today so now Rachel, you can sleep in Finn's room. On the floor" he emphasized speaking slowly and pointedly staring at the both of them "Better than having to sneak into his room while you're supposed to be in Kurt's." he added chuckling at his own joke

"Th-thank you Mr. Hummel. That was very generous of you." She said softly

"Yeah, thanks Burt." Finn seconded, stealing at look at her trying to gauge where her head was at, but she quickly looked away

She was in his room getting ready for bed when he walked in with extra bedding.

"Um, you can sleep on my bed. I'll sleep on the air mattress thing." He said uncomfortably

"No it's ok. I don't want to kick you out of your bed… Wouldn't want you making any decisions with me in mind." She added under her breath

"Really, Rachel? I can't believe you're starting this again. Look, it's my-"

"No. I don't want to do this right now. I shouldn't have said anything. I'll sleep wherever you want me to, let's just get through this night, ok?"

He nodded sadly

It was about an hour after the lights had gone off and she was sure he would be sleeping that she finally let herself cry. Sniffling softly and letting her tears fall onto his pillow she wondered desperately what would become of them.

He wasn't really asleep, he knew that she thought he was because he knew Rachel and he knew that she wouldn't cry like this unless she thought he couldn't hear, because that would mean admitting she was upset and only someone who wasn't unwaveringly stubborn would do that and that just wasn't Rachel.

He couldn't decide what to do, he didn't want to fight anymore but he also couldn't stand to hear her crying for much longer and not do anything about it. He wanted to not have to pick either of those options, he wanted to enjoy the fact that Burt had basically said it was ok for them to sleep together (just sleep). He wanted to enjoy a whole night of sleeping next to her instead of lying awake wondering when she'd finally sneak over.

"Rachel?" He finally said hesitantly

She quickly wiped her eyes and sucked in her tears "yes?" she said, clearly trying to pretend everything was perfectly fine

He didn't really know what to say so he just climbed in bed with her and held her as close as their bodies would allow

She immediately started to cry again, though sobbing was probably a better word for it.

"Finn, why would you do this?" she finally cried turning to look at him "How could you do this?"

"Rachel-"

"Ok, I know that I have plans to go to New York and I'm set in those plans, and if you told me I couldn't go or you didn't want me to go I wouldn't listen either and I would be furious at you for not supporting me. I get that, I do. But this isn't the same, Finn. It's not! Me going to New York and you wanting to go into the army is not the same!"

"Rachel, I know that. But I'm not like you, ok? I haven't had my future decided since I was five years old. I thought I would have figured it out by now, but I haven't and I'm running out of time! College applications are due and deadlines for deciding anything are coming so fast. What am I supposed to do?"

"Not go into the army! Finn, I love you for being someone who wants to go into the army ok? For believing in all the good they do and what they stand for but that doesn't mean I want you to put your life in danger!"

"Look, I love you Rachel and I want to be with you, that hasn't changed. But I can't just follow you to New York because it would complete this picture you have in your head of you and Kurt gallivanting around the city, being on Broadway and then having me waiting for you at home every night."

"How could you say that?" She gasped as she backed away from him and stood up "Have I ever asked that of you? Have I ever pushed you to come with me, have I ever done anything other than encourage you to pursue your dreams? HAVE I?" she yelled

"No, Rachel I –"

"Why did you do this to me?"

"Rachel, I'm not doing this _to_ you I'm doing it _for_ me." He tried to explain

"No not the army thing, why did you do this to me?" she asked as she gestured back and forth between the two of them "Us." She clarified

"I told you, Finn. I told you our futures were moving in different directions and-"

"No." he interrupted loudly, standing up to match her stance "No you didn't say our futures were moving in different directions you said you wanted to go to New York! And that was a problem because you knew I could never get there! You never believed that I could be good enough to come with you, admit it!"

"That's not true, Finn. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you're special. You can do anything." She said sincerely

His eyes softened at that, he tilted his head to the side and started to smile slightly

"So no, that's not the reason I didn't want to get back together!" she continued "I didn't want to get back together because of this! Because I knew you'd find some way to break my heart!"

"Why, Finn? Why did you do this? Why? Why?" she cried

"Why did I do what?" he shouted frustrated and unsure what to say

"Make me love you!" she screamed as she pushed him away from her

"You knew, Finn! You knew how much I loved you, how hard I would fall. How I could never really say no to being with you. Why would you make me love you if you're just going to take it away? You told me everything would be ok, Finn! On the first day of summer when I told you that this could be a mistake, that we could both get hurt, you said everything would be ok, and you let me cry in your arms until I fell asleep, right here!" she cried as she pointed to the bed "Right here you told me that and you lied! Why would you tell me that and then go and do this?"

"God, Rachel! I don't know, ok? I told you that because I do think everything will be ok! I do, I still love you more than anything else, and I still want to be with you. I never wanted to put an expiration date on it, whether you went to New York and I stayed in Lima, or if we went together or stayed together it really didn't matter to me because I love you and I know we can make it work."

"You don't have to be afraid of me breaking your heart, Rachel. I promise." He said as he approached her thinking he had melted away her inflexibility

She just scoffed in return

"Ugh! Rachel what do you want me to say? Do you need me to remind you how much I love you, because I do, I love you. I love you more than Quinn ok? I like having sex with you more than with Santana, alright? I think you are beautiful and talented and that you can do anything, there is no one else I can picture myself with. Is that what you need, Rachel?"

"Do not. Don't you dare turn this into me being insecure! This is not about that! This is about you dying, Finn! Don't you see that? You could die, Finn! People die every day over there, every single day! Why don't you get that?" she yelled

"I do get that, Rachel. I'm not an idiot; I know people die in war. But it's not about that for me."

"What about what it's like for me?" she said solemnly "Did you even think about me? Just once did you think about me and what my life would be like if I lost you?"

"Don't you get it, Rachel? All I thought about was you when I did this! About how you are meant for more than all of this crap! Better than this stupid dead end town with its narrow minded people who can't see you for who you are. Better than a Lima loser who is only good enough to run the tire shop his step-dad owns, who's only good enough to follow you to New York, not make it on his own. I need to be more than that, Rachel! Look, you say I'm special right? Maybe I am, but that fire can only burn for so long, what good is being special if I can't use it?"

"But the army, Finn? A war? There are so many other ways you can be special!" She cried

"I feel like this could help me figure out who I am, Rachel. I've always been confused about who and what I am, what I'm good at and who I should be. I mean, two years ago I was throwing kids in dumpsters! I was afraid to even talk to you in public and I let Quinn convince me I was the father of her baby when we hadn't even had sex! I'm just so confused about the person I know I should be and the person I actually am, I think doing something like this, something important and noble and heroic could show me what it means to be a good man, a good person."

"Do you really feel that lost, Finn?" She questioned in disbelief "Yes, you've made mistakes but we all have. Our mistakes don't define who we are, our victories do, and you've had so many of those! You're already a good person, do you hear me? You can't really think that there is so much you don't already know."

"I didn't say that I have to learn everything. There are some things I know for sure. I love you and I want to be with you, I know that. I know that for sure, Rachel. And I know that it is ok to dream, to want what you want. I know that I am worth more than this town, than Burt's Tire shop. I know that sometimes you have to aspire to be better than yourself, and that's because of you."

She started to shake her head, doubting that she had made him better, then he grabbed her hands

"Rachel the reason I have the strength to do something like this is because you showed me I was special and you taught me how to dream, how to be better."

"Finn." She said when she finally found her voice "I-I don't think I can be without you."

"The faith I have in my dreams, this steadfast loyalty to my future in New York. It's because I have you, it's because I know that you'll be there with me when I succeed, and more importantly you'll be there if I fail."

"No it's not." He said quickly and sure "I'm not why you have these dreams, I'm not why you'll succeed. Sure, I'm a plus" he joked "But baby, you can do this all by yourself. I know it."

"I'm scared, Finn. I'm scared I can't do it on my own. The first thing I thought of when you told me about this army thing was you dying. And I saw myself without you and I just- I couldn't breathe, Finn. "

She grabbed his face and looked into his eyes, as steady as she possibly could

"Please, Finn. Please don't do this. I love you, please. Please, for me. Please" she weeped as she fell into his arms

"Shhhh, it's okay. Everything's going to be ok, I promise." He whispered as he rocked her softly, his own tears threatening to fall

"How can you promise something like that, Finn?" she asked desperately as she looked up at him

"Because I love you, and I will love you till I die, and you can put that away in your heart and be completely certain of it, I promise." [2]

And even as she began to realize that this was something she would have to learn to accept, for a moment, she was filled with an insane desperation to keep him close to her always. And for the briefest of moments, she hated him desperately for discovering a part of himself that craved more, that wanted better. She wished that he could be hers entirely. [3]

But for now she had to just accept him for who he was because, she loved him and that is what you do for the people you love. He had taught her that.

And as their heads finally hit the pillows, together they could both drift into sleep.

Her, utterly sure she was loved and him realizing that perhaps, it would be possible to have the future he had never allowed himself to dream of.

[1, 2&3] are all either quotes from or adapted from a FF writer called Nyx Underwood. If you like Gossip Girl (even if you don't), he/she writes by far the best Fanfiction I have ever read.

Thanks! Read and Review!


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